Christmas and New Year’s Eve are supposed to be peaceful, hopeful times filled with family. But for people who have lost a loved one or are dealing with addiction, those same gatherings can be the hardest days of the year. In this Maximum Octane throwback, Kim Hickey revisits her conversation with Mike Warren about the “B-side” of the holidays. It originally aired as episode 60.
Mike, an ATI executive coach and active member of Celebrate Recovery, explains why the season is difficult for so many, how being surrounded by smiles can make people feel worse, and what the rest of us can do to help.
What You Will Learn
- Why holidays are tough for many people
- How to deal with family members that trigger us
- Participating in every discussion is optional. Be mindful of your mental health
- Why practicing gratitude is life-changing
- Why we should stop glamourizing alcohol
Why Replay This Conversation
Every year, the holiday season brings the same pressure to be joyful, and every year, many people quietly struggle. Mike’s perspective is a timely reminder for shop owners to check on their teams and themselves. It is also a guide for anyone who wants to support friends and family who are having a hard time.
The season also changes the rhythm of the shop. Customers rush to finish repairs before travel, budgets are stretched by gift shopping, and employees juggle family obligations alongside long workdays. Those pressures stack on top of whatever personal struggles people are already carrying. A technician who lost a parent this year, or a service advisor working hard to stay sober, may be quietly dreading the next few weeks. Leaders who understand this can make small adjustments that ease the strain without disrupting the business.
Key Ideas From Mike
- Holidays are tough for many: grief, addiction, finances, and expectations all add pressure.
- Family can be a trigger: old patterns often resurface when families gather.
- You can opt out: participating in every heated discussion is optional.
- Gratitude helps: focusing on what you have can shift your mindset.
- Rethink alcohol: celebrations centered on drinking can isolate people in recovery.
Each of these ideas can be put into practice. Someone dreading a family gathering might decide in advance how long to stay, plan a polite exit, or bring a supportive friend. Someone grieving might create a new tradition that honors the person they lost instead of trying to recreate holidays as they used to be. Someone in recovery might plan to call a sponsor or attend a meeting before and after a party. Planning ahead turns a situation that feels overwhelming into one with clear choices.
The point about gratitude is especially practical. Writing down a few specific things you are grateful for, even on hard days, is a simple habit many people find helpful during difficult seasons. It does not erase grief or struggle, but it can widen the view beyond the pain.
What Leaders Can Do
For shop owners, the holidays are often a busy time, but they are also a time when employees may be struggling. Simple actions make a difference: checking in privately, being flexible with time off, offering great non-alcoholic options at team events, and reminding people of available support.
If you or someone you know needs help with substance use, the SAMHSA National Helpline offers free, confidential support, and the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text. Mike also mentions Celebrate Recovery as a resource.
Leaders can also review how the shop celebrates. A team dinner or afternoon lunch can bring people together without making alcohol the center of the event. If drinks are served, offer appealing non-alcoholic options and never pressure anyone to explain why they are not drinking. Be mindful of scheduling, too. Expecting everyone to attend an evening party may conflict with family responsibilities, recovery meetings, or simply the need for quiet. Letting people choose how they participate shows respect.
Another thoughtful step is to remember dates that may be hard for team members, such as the first holiday after a loss. A short note or private conversation acknowledging that the season may be difficult can mean more than any gift.
Supporting Someone in Recovery During the Holidays
For people in recovery, the holidays can bring more exposure to alcohol, more stress, and more contact with relatives who may not understand. Friends and coworkers can help by keeping invitations open while making it easy to decline, planning activities that do not revolve around drinking, and treating a non-alcoholic choice as completely normal. Avoid comments that draw attention to what someone is or is not drinking.
It is also helpful to respect boundaries without taking them personally. Someone may leave an event early, skip it altogether, or need time for meetings and support calls. Those choices protect their recovery. If you are worried about a friend or employee, express concern privately and kindly, and share resources rather than lecturing. Recovery is a long process, and steady, nonjudgmental support often matters more than any single conversation.
Helping Grieving Team Members Through the Season
Grief often intensifies during the holidays, when traditions and family gatherings highlight who is missing. Coworkers may not know what to say, so they say nothing, which can leave a grieving person feeling invisible. A simple acknowledgment, such as “I know this time of year might be hard, and I’m thinking of you,” is usually welcome. Let the person lead from there.
Practical support helps too. Flexible scheduling, a lighter workload for a few days, or permission to step away for a moment when emotions surface can make the season more manageable. Leaders who handle grief well send a message to the entire team that people matter more than production numbers, which strengthens trust long after the holidays end. ATI’s The One Thing You Never Hear From Employees explores why employees often keep their struggles to themselves.
Taking Care of Yourself as a Leader
Shop owners often focus so heavily on customers, family, and employees that they forget about their own well-being. The holidays can bring year-end financial pressure, staffing gaps, and personal stress all at once. Protecting your own sleep, setting realistic expectations for family events, and giving yourself permission to skip a gathering or leave early are all reasonable choices. A calmer leader makes better decisions and sets a healthier example for the team.
Holiday Check-In for Your Team
- Who on your team might be facing their first holiday after a loss?
- Does your holiday party offer options for people who do not drink?
- Have you reminded employees how to request time off if they need it?
For more on mental health in the shop, listen to Lee Anderson in Fixing the Unseen and Eric Gibson in A Quantum Leap to Mental Wellness.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why are the holidays so hard for some people?
The holidays combine high expectations with real life pressures. People who have lost loved ones feel their absence more sharply. Those in recovery may face more exposure to alcohol and stressful family dynamics. Financial strain, loneliness, travel, and disrupted routines add to the load. Being surrounded by images of perfect celebrations can make people feel they are falling short. Recognizing these pressures helps both the person struggling and the people around them respond with more understanding.
How can I support a coworker in recovery at a holiday party?
Offer appealing non-alcoholic drinks and plan activities that do not center on drinking. Never pressure anyone to drink or ask them to explain why they are not drinking. Treat their choices as completely normal and respect their decision to arrive late, leave early, or skip the event. If you are the organizer, consider hosting a daytime gathering or meal instead of a bar-focused event. Quiet, steady acceptance is often the most helpful support you can give.
How do I handle family members who trigger me during the holidays?
Planning ahead helps. Decide in advance which topics you will not discuss, how long you will stay, and how you will leave if things become tense. Remember that participating in every argument is optional; you can change the subject, step outside, or simply not respond. Having a supportive person to call afterward can help you reset. If family dynamics are causing ongoing distress, a counselor or support group can provide tools for setting healthy boundaries.
What should a shop owner do if an employee seems to be struggling?
Start with a private, caring conversation. Mention what you have noticed without judgment and ask how they are doing. Listen more than you talk, and avoid trying to diagnose or fix the problem yourself. Share available resources, such as any employee assistance program, and be flexible with time off where possible. If someone is in crisis, encourage them to reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or another professional resource right away.
Does practicing gratitude really help during hard times?
Many people find that gratitude practices help them notice good things even during difficult seasons. A common approach is writing down a few specific things you appreciate each day, such as a kind conversation, a finished project, or a quiet moment. Gratitude does not replace professional support or erase grief, but it can shift attention away from constant stress. For teams, sharing a weekly appreciation in a meeting can lift morale and build connection.
Resources and Links From This Episode
- Celebrate Recovery website
Connect With the Guests
- Mike: LinkedIn
