For most people, the holidays are a time to gather with loved ones and celebrate. But for many, Christmas and New Year’s are among the most difficult weeks of the year. In episode 60 of Maximum Octane, Mike Warren joins Kim Hickey to talk about the side of the holidays few people want to discuss.
Mike is an executive coach at ATI and an active member of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian recovery group. He explains why the holidays can be so hard for people dealing with addiction, grief, or difficult family relationships, and shares practical ways to set boundaries, practice acceptance, and serve others.
What You Will Learn
- Some of the reasons why holidays are tough for many people
- Sometimes, people from our family of origin are the most difficult people to deal with
- We don’t have to participate in every discussion we are invited to
- The multiple benefits of practicing gratitude
- Why we should stop glamourizing alcohol
Why the Holidays Are Hard for Many People
Mike opens with some of the reasons holidays are tough. People in recovery may face pressure to drink. Those who have lost loved ones feel their absence more sharply. Others feel financial stress, loneliness, or the weight of expectations that the season should be perfect. Even people trying to avoid unhealthy foods can find the holidays challenging.
For shop owners, this matters on two levels: your own well-being and that of your team. Employees may be struggling quietly during a season that looks festive from the outside.
Research and surveys on holiday stress consistently find that many people feel increased pressure during the season, often related to finances, family expectations, and time demands. For those dealing with grief or addiction, the season can be especially difficult because celebrations highlight what is missing or present constant temptation. Awareness of these challenges helps leaders respond with compassion.
At the shop, these struggles can show up as irritability, missed days, distraction, or a usually upbeat employee becoming quiet. Leaders do not need to diagnose anyone or pry into private matters. A simple, private check-in such as “You seem to have a lot on your plate lately, is there anything I can do to help?” lets people know someone noticed and cares. Many will appreciate the question even if they choose not to share details.
When Family Is the Hardest Part
Around the 10 minute mark, Mike acknowledges that the people from our family of origin can sometimes be the most difficult to deal with. Old patterns, unresolved conflicts, and expectations can resurface when families gather. Recognizing that ahead of time helps people prepare and protect their peace.
Family gatherings can bring unresolved tensions to the surface. Old roles, past conflicts, and differing values may create friction. Preparing mentally, setting realistic expectations, and planning ways to take breaks can help people navigate these gatherings more peacefully.
You Do Not Have to Join Every Argument
Mike shares a simple but powerful idea: we do not have to participate in every discussion we are invited to. Politics, old grievances, and heated topics often come up at holiday gatherings. Choosing not to engage is a healthy boundary, not a weakness. The same principle applies at work. Leaders do not need to take the bait in every conflict.
Choosing not to engage is a skill that improves relationships and reduces stress. Simple phrases like “Let’s agree to disagree” or “I’d rather not discuss that today” can redirect conversations. Leaders can apply the same skill at work, avoiding unproductive debates and focusing on solutions.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Mike emphasizes the importance of solid, healthy boundaries. That might mean limiting time at certain events, having an exit plan, bringing a supportive friend, or deciding in advance what topics you will avoid. Boundaries protect your well-being and help you show up as your best self.
Boundaries are personal and can take many forms, such as limiting time at events, declining certain invitations, or asking others to respect specific requests. Communicating boundaries clearly and kindly helps others understand and respect them. Boundaries protect mental health and allow people to participate in family life in ways that feel sustainable.
The Benefits of Gratitude
Around the 22 minute mark, Mike discusses the benefits of practicing gratitude. Focusing on what you have, rather than what is missing or difficult, can shift your mindset during hard times. Gratitude also strengthens relationships when it is expressed to others. ATI’s Examine These 3 Areas of Your Life offers related reflection.
Research on gratitude suggests that regularly noting things you are grateful for can improve mood and well-being. Simple practices, such as writing down three good things each day or expressing thanks to someone, can shift focus from what is difficult to what is going well. Leaders who practice gratitude often find it improves their relationships with employees and customers too.
Stop Glamorizing Alcohol
Mike closes with a call to stop glamorizing alcohol. Holiday parties and workplace celebrations often center on drinking, which can be isolating or dangerous for people in recovery. Shop owners hosting holiday events can make everyone feel welcome by offering great non-alcoholic options and planning activities that do not revolve around drinking.
Workplace celebrations can be inclusive without centering on alcohol. Options include team lunches, activities, games, community service projects, or recognition events. Offering appealing non-alcoholic drinks at any gathering ensures that everyone feels welcome, including those in recovery, those who do not drink for health or religious reasons, and those who simply prefer not to.
Shop owners who host events can also think about what happens after the party. If alcohol is served, setting a reasonable limit, closing the bar well before the event ends, and arranging rides home protect employees and the business. Making these decisions in advance, rather than in the middle of the celebration, keeps the focus on recognizing the team and enjoying time together.
Serving Others
Mike also encourages serving others. Volunteering and helping people in need can bring meaning and connection during a season that feels difficult. It shifts focus outward and reminds us of what matters.
Service can provide a sense of purpose and connection during difficult times. Volunteering at a food bank, delivering gifts to families in need, or helping elderly neighbors can lift spirits for both the giver and the receiver. Shops can organize team service projects, which also strengthen relationships among employees.
Leading With Compassion Year-Round
While the holidays bring these challenges into sharper focus, many people struggle at other times of the year too. Leaders who build a culture of compassion, where people feel safe sharing difficulties and asking for support, help their teams through all kinds of challenges. That culture includes open communication, flexibility, access to resources, and leaders who model healthy behaviors.
Mike’s perspective as a coach and member of a recovery community offers a powerful reminder that many people carry hidden burdens. Treating others with patience and kindness, during the holidays and throughout the year, can make a meaningful difference in their lives.
What This Looks Like for Shop Leaders
For shop leaders, the season often brings heavier workloads at the same time employees are juggling family obligations and personal stress. Planning holiday schedules early, communicating them clearly, and being fair about who gets time off reduces tension. Recognizing the team’s effort during a busy stretch, with a sincere thank-you or a small gesture, reminds people that their work is noticed.
Leaders should also pay attention to their own well-being. Owners carry the pressure of year-end numbers, payroll, and planning for next year, often while dealing with their own family dynamics. Setting boundaries, practicing gratitude, and asking for help when needed allows leaders to show up steady and present for their teams.
Supporting Your Team Through the Holidays
- Check in with employees individually, especially those who may be grieving or alone.
- Plan team celebrations that do not center on alcohol.
- Remind employees about any employee assistance resources you offer.
- Be flexible with time off when someone needs it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, the SAMHSA National Helpline offers free, confidential support at any hour, and the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text.
This episode returned as a Maximum Octane throwback. Lee Anderson discusses mental health tools for shop owners in Fixing the Unseen.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I support employees who are struggling during the holidays?
Check in privately and sincerely, without pressuring anyone to share more than they want to. Offer flexibility with schedules and time off when possible. Remind the team about any employee assistance program or community resources available. Plan celebrations that feel inclusive and do not revolve around alcohol. Most of all, create an environment where people know they can ask for help and will be treated with respect if they do.
How do I plan a company holiday party without alcohol?
Focus on activities and connection. Options include a catered lunch during work hours, a family-friendly event, bowling, an escape room, a cooking competition, or a team service project. Offer a variety of appealing non-alcoholic drinks. Build the event around recognizing team members and celebrating the year’s accomplishments. A gathering where everyone can participate comfortably tends to strengthen team relationships more than one centered on drinking.
How do I set boundaries with family during the holidays?
Decide ahead of time what you are comfortable with, such as how long you will stay, which topics you will avoid, and what you will do if a conversation becomes heated. Communicate those boundaries calmly and kindly. Have an exit plan and, if helpful, bring a supportive person with you. Remember that you do not have to participate in every argument you are invited into. Protecting your peace is a healthy choice.
What are simple ways to practice gratitude at work?
Start meetings by sharing a recent win or something the team did well. Write short thank-you notes to employees, customers, or vendors. Recognize specific contributions publicly rather than offering general praise. Some leaders keep a personal habit of writing down a few things they are grateful for each day. These small practices shift attention to what is going well and strengthen relationships across the shop.
Resources and Links From This Episode
- Celebrate Recovery website
Connect With the Guests
- Mike: LinkedIn
