Kim Hickey calls this one of the most powerful episodes of Maximum Octane. After years of reading self-help books and studying visualization, she says Coach Barney Feinberg helped her unlock something in just a couple of minutes. His message is simple, clear, and kind: when you can name your values, you can choose how to show up in any situation.
Barney is an executive coach and recruiter, founder and CEO of The Chemistry Factor, an author, and a podcast host. In episode 13, he explains why most of us struggle to articulate our values, walks through a four-step process to connect with them, and demonstrates how revisiting peak moments can help you live those values every day.
What You Will Learn
- We think there is a difference between life and work, but they are the same
- We get to choose who we are regardless of the circumstances
- The four-step process to connect with our values
- Why do most of us struggle to articulate our values
- It is not about pointing out the error; it is about asking how we can make it better
- The benefits of being patient
Life and Work Are the Same Thing
Barney opens with a challenge to a common belief. Many people think there is a clear line between life and work. He argues they are the same. The values that guide you at home are the same values that guide you at the shop. When people try to be one person at work and another at home, they create stress and inconsistency.
For shop owners, this idea has practical meaning. If you value respect, it should show up in how you speak to a technician on a busy Friday just as much as how you speak to your family. ATI’s Mastering Your Work-Life Sway looks at how owners can bring more alignment between the two.
This idea also explains why so many people feel drained by work. When someone believes one thing at home and behaves differently at work, they live with a constant internal conflict. Over time, that conflict wears people down. Leaders who align their behavior with their values in every setting tend to feel more energized and are perceived as more authentic by their teams. Authenticity, in turn, builds trust.
You Choose Who You Are
Around the 7 minute mark, Barney talks about choice. We get to choose who we are regardless of the circumstances. A difficult customer, an employee problem, or a bad month does not have to define how we act. That choice becomes much easier when we know which values we want to lead with.
ATI explores this theme in Make the Most of a Precious Gift: The Ability to Choose!
Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, famously wrote that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies our freedom to choose. Barney’s message echoes that idea in a business context. Circumstances like a bad month or a difficult employee are the stimulus. How you respond is your choice. Knowing your values makes that choice easier, because you have a clear standard to measure your response against.
Choosing who you are is easiest to practice in small moments. A customer disputes a bill, a technician calls in sick on a full day, or a parts order arrives wrong. Before responding, a leader can ask a single question: “Which of my values do I want to show up right now?” That pause turns a reaction into a decision. Over weeks and months, those small decisions add up to a reputation. Employees learn that the owner stays steady under pressure, and that steadiness gives them permission to stay calm too.
The Four-Step Process to Connect With Your Values
The heart of this episode is Barney’s four-step process for connecting with values. During the conversation, he guides Kim through a short demonstration: identifying a peak moment in her life, going back to that moment in her mind, and recognizing the value that moment represented. Once a value is named, it can be “empowered,” meaning deliberately brought into everyday decisions and relationships.
Hearing the demonstration is the best way to understand it, but the general idea is something anyone can try:
- Recall a moment when you felt fully alive, proud, or at your best.
- Put yourself back in that moment and notice what was happening.
- Name the value that moment honored, such as freedom, connection, growth, or integrity.
- Decide how you will bring that value into a current challenge.
Peak moments work as a doorway to values because they carry strong emotions. When you recall a moment when you felt fully alive, your mind brings back what made it meaningful. Maybe it was helping someone in need, achieving something difficult, being part of a team, or having the freedom to create. The value hidden inside that memory is often something you have been honoring without realizing it. Once named, it can guide choices in a much more deliberate way.
Leaders can use a version of this exercise with their teams. Asking employees to share a proud moment from their career often reveals what motivates them, which helps leaders assign work and recognition more effectively.
Why Most of Us Struggle to Name Our Values
Barney explains why so many people find it hard to articulate their values. We rarely stop to think about them. We react to the day instead of reflecting on what matters. Values also feel abstract until they are tied to real experiences, which is why the peak moment exercise works so well.
The same challenge exists inside companies. Many shops have core values on the wall that no one can recite or explain. Values only matter when people connect them to real behavior. Tom Grady touches on this when he discusses culture in Four Things You Need to Know to Become a CEO.
Another reason values are hard to articulate is that people often confuse values with goals or rules. “Make more money” is a goal. “Always be on time” is a rule. Values are deeper. They describe what matters to you, such as security, growth, respect, or freedom, and they explain why the goals and rules feel important. Taking time to separate these ideas helps people find the values underneath their behavior.
Asking How to Make It Better
Around the 18 minute mark, Barney shares a coaching principle every leader can use: it is not about pointing out the error, it is about asking how we can make it better. When something goes wrong in the shop, a leader can either assign blame or invite improvement. The second approach keeps people engaged and solving problems. George Zeeks builds on this question-driven approach in Three Questions That Can Solve (Almost) Every Problem.
ATI’s Which Is Necessary: Employee Reprimands or Corrective Coaching? applies the same thinking to employee performance.
This approach is sometimes called a “feed-forward” conversation, focusing on what can be done next rather than dwelling on what went wrong. Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith has written about feed-forward as a way to make feedback more constructive. In a shop, it might sound like “What could we do differently next time to catch this before the customer does?” instead of “Why did you miss this?” The first question invites problem-solving. The second invites defensiveness.
The Benefits of Patience
Barney closes by discussing patience. Growth, whether personal or professional, takes time. Leaders who are patient with themselves and their teams create space for real change instead of forcing quick fixes that do not last.
Patience is often undervalued in fast-paced businesses. Owners want results quickly, whether from a new employee, a marketing campaign, or a change in culture. But meaningful change takes time. New hires need months to reach full productivity. Culture shifts take a year or more. Patience does not mean lowering standards. It means giving people and plans enough time to work before judging them, while continuing to coach and support along the way.
Patience also shows up in how owners handle their own growth. Many leaders try a new habit, such as holding weekly one-on-ones or reviewing numbers every Monday, and abandon it after a rough week. Treating a slip as information rather than failure keeps the habit alive. The same grace extended to employees learning a new process applies to the owner learning to lead differently.
Putting Values to Work in Your Shop
Once you have named your personal values, the next step is to connect them to how you run your business. If one of your values is integrity, consider how it shows up in your pricing, recommendations, and warranty. If it is growth, consider how you invest in training for yourself and your team. If it is family, consider whether your schedule and policies reflect that for your employees too.
Many owners find it helpful to write their core values on one page and review them before making major decisions, such as hiring, firing, pricing changes, or expansion. Decisions that align with your values tend to be easier to explain and easier to live with. ATI’s ATI Fundamentals page shows how a shared set of principles can guide an entire organization.
Bringing Values Into Hiring and Team Meetings
Personal values become far more powerful when the whole team shares a common language for them. One practical step is to build values into hiring. Instead of asking only about technical skills, interviewers can ask candidates to describe a proud moment from a past job and listen for what mattered to them in that story. A candidate who lights up describing how they helped a struggling coworker is telling you something important about how they will fit on your team.
Team meetings offer another opportunity. Some shops open each weekly meeting by recognizing one employee who lived a core value in a specific, observable way that week. Naming the behavior (“Maria called the customer back three times to make sure the noise was gone”) makes the value concrete and shows everyone what it looks like in practice. Over time, those stories become the shop’s culture.
Reflection Questions
- What peak moment in your life best represents who you want to be as a leader?
- What value did that moment honor?
- Where in your shop is that value missing right now?
- What is one question you can ask instead of pointing out an error this week?
For more on relationships and self-awareness, listen to C. Regi Rodgers in Dealing With the One in the Mirror to Improve Our Relationships and Donna Hazeltine in Getting Ready to Face the What-Ifs of Life.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I figure out my core values as a business owner?
Start with experience rather than a list of words. Recall a few moments when you felt proud, fully engaged, or at your best, then ask what those moments had in common. Perhaps each involved helping someone, solving a hard problem, or building something with a team. The common thread usually points to a value such as service, mastery, or connection. Write down three to five, then test them against real decisions over the next month to see whether they truly guide you.
What is the difference between values, goals, and rules?
Values describe what matters to you at a deep level, such as integrity, growth, or respect. Goals are specific results you want to achieve, like raising gross profit or hiring a second advisor. Rules are standards of behavior, like arriving on time. Values explain why your goals and rules matter. When a goal or rule conflicts with a core value, people feel uneasy, which is a useful signal that something needs to change.
How can shop owners keep company values from becoming just a poster on the wall?
Values stay alive when they are tied to behavior and repeated often. Define what each value looks like in specific shop situations, such as at the counter, in the bay, and on the phone. Use them in hiring interviews, performance reviews, and recognition. Most importantly, leaders must model them, especially under pressure. Employees pay far more attention to how the owner acts on a stressful day than to anything printed and framed.
How do I correct an employee’s mistake without making them defensive?
Focus the conversation on what happens next rather than on blame. Describe the facts calmly, then ask questions like “What could we do differently next time?” or “What would help you catch this earlier?” This invites the employee to solve the problem with you. Keep the tone private and respectful, and follow up later to recognize improvement. People who feel supported after a mistake are more likely to report problems early instead of hiding them.
Can personal values really affect how a repair shop performs?
Yes, because values drive the countless small decisions that shape a business. An owner who values honesty builds pricing and recommendations customers trust. An owner who values growth invests in training, which improves quality and retention. When values are clear, decisions become faster and more consistent, and employees know what is expected without being told every time. That consistency is often what customers notice and talk about in reviews.
Resources and Links From This Episode
- The Chemistry Factor website
- The Chemistry Factor podcast
- Book: Barney Feinberg, The Chemistry Factor: Create Powerful Business Relationships for Greater Success
Connect With the Guests
- Coach Barney: LinkedIn
